My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
