Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
