I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize