You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize