I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
