Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
