$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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