I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
