god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize