He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
