So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
