No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
