Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
