highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
