It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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