he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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