So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
