then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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