who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have aggressive nipples.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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