hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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