nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Floor bacon is actually really good
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
