Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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