She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
