It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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