Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
