Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
