everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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