It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
