At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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