Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
