i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
