apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
