Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
