At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
