Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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