Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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