At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize