guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
