There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
