We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
