I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
