guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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