I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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