maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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