Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize