he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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