I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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