a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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