Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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