Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
