he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize