My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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