You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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