you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
