I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
