Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
