She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
