hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my being single is dangerous.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
