Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
