I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
