i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
