You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
