I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
