Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
