why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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