atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I supernannyed him into submission
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
