So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
