He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
