So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
