Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
