I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
