Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
