I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
