Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Please, let me fuck your mom
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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