Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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