I wish my penis had an off switch
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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